It's been one month and 3 weeks since I kissed my one love goodbye. 49 days since I last saw her as she slipped through the gates to get on the plane to take her away from me. It has not been easy, in fact this has been the most difficult thing that I have ever been through in my life! I have stumbled and fallen and struggled to get back up. I have changed and made many mistakes and learned from them, (hopefully). This angel that I have fallen for as taken my heart and I am a willing prisoner of her, but the torture is impossibly intense and my whole being cries out every night! Everything I see, Everything that I do or happens to me throughout the day reminds me of all the times we spent together and the moments that we shared and created. All filled with the most true and tried love that can only come from being with the one who is meant to be with you.
The heavens must have smiled and laughed and cried as we did, and the ones on high would have looked down on our joyousness and said many prayers for us. But now they surely are crying as I have been with a necklace made of barbed wire and filled with lead around their hearts tearing away at the tenderness within with all the brutality of a ruthless monster.
Many nights as I lay in my bed, my face pressed hard against my pillow to drown out my tears, I see her. The pureness of her innocence radiating from her beautiful face like a morning sunbeam shining through the clouds across the sea. It warms me to know that she is being taken care of but it is torture that I am not the one doing the taking care of her well-being and love. I could have a million people in my bed and it would still be as empty as a cathedral on a dark night, echoing every footstep and thought. Oh my heart! Do not fail me now! Now as the end of this Hell is drawing near. It is only the end of many beginnings to come and many more renderings of precious places in our hearts for there will be multiple and countless time when the skies will darken and the rains of angelic tears will fall for the heartbreaks of our foolishness and follies that cause such aches and pains of our hearts and minds. They will ask themselves over and again why we allow ourselves to be put through and to go through these horrible emotions that cause us to shake as an earthquake to the very souls of the earth. Can it all really be for love? Is it all worth the suffering just for a few precious moments of happiness?
They must see us as the stupidest of all creation to be putting ourselves through such woe. Or, are we the stronger one? Never giving up on the light that we find in the eyes of the one that we have found love. Which ever way it is, and I and sure that it is a combination of the two, I still refuse to give up on what we have. No matter the consequences or heart ache that may come from it.
This is what I think of as I lay in my bed. This and so many other things. The life I would be leading if I had never found the thing most precious to me now, The Love of My Life.
Only a week left to go before I can finally see, touch and hold my beloved! And tomorrow is our 21st month anniversary. I am going to dedicate several hours of the day to just thinking of her and sending strength her way because that is also the day that she is going to be taking her Physical testing. I know in my heart that she will succeed. She is a most incredible person and I do not have a doubt that she will do her utmost best to give everything she has to accomplish her tasks. This is one of the reasons that I have fallen so deeply into this crazy thing called love. This wild emotional roller coaster that takes us from being at the tips of heaven to fighting and screaming in sadness and pain in the pits of the hells that we create for ourselves. But I have finally found my seat-belt in the profound love that she has shown for me and have strapped myself in, COME WHAT MAY!
To Amber Lynn; the Love of My Life. --{-@
Gabriel T. Short
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