Why Angels Cry

     It's been one month and 3 weeks since I kissed my one love goodbye. 49 days since I last saw her as she slipped through the gates to get on the plane to take her away from me. It has not been easy, in fact this has been the most difficult thing that I have ever been through in my life! I have stumbled and fallen and struggled to get back up. I have changed and made many mistakes and learned from them, (hopefully). This angel that I have fallen for as taken my heart and I am a willing prisoner of her, but the torture is impossibly intense and my whole being cries out every night! Everything I see, Everything that I do or happens to me throughout the day reminds me of all the times we spent together and the moments that we shared and created. All filled with the most true and tried love that can only come from being with the one who is meant to be with you.      
     The heavens must have smiled and laughed and cried as we did, and the ones on high would have looked down on our joyousness and said many prayers for us. But now they surely are crying as I have been with a necklace made of barbed wire and filled with lead around their hearts tearing away at the tenderness within with all the brutality of a ruthless monster.
     Many nights as I lay in my bed, my face pressed hard against my pillow to drown out my tears, I see her. The pureness of her innocence radiating from her beautiful face like a morning sunbeam shining through the clouds across the sea. It warms me to know that she is being taken care of but it is torture that I am not the one doing the taking care of her well-being and love. I could have a million people in my bed and it would still be as empty as a cathedral on a dark night, echoing every footstep and thought. Oh my heart! Do not fail me now! Now as the end of this Hell is drawing near. It is only the end of many beginnings to come and many more renderings of precious places in our hearts for there will be multiple and countless time when the skies will darken and the rains of angelic tears will fall for the heartbreaks of our foolishness and follies that cause such aches and pains of our hearts and minds. They will ask themselves over and again why we allow ourselves to be put through and to go through these horrible emotions that cause us to shake as an earthquake to the very souls of the earth. Can it all really be for love? Is it all worth the suffering just for a few precious moments of happiness?
     They must see us as the stupidest of all creation to be putting ourselves through such woe. Or, are we the stronger one? Never giving up on the light that we find in the eyes of the one that we have found love. Which ever way it is, and I and sure that it is a combination of the two, I still refuse to give up on what we have. No matter the consequences or heart ache that may come from it.
   This is what I think of as I lay in my bed. This and so many other things. The life I would be leading if I had never found the thing most precious to me now, The Love of My Life.
   Only a week left to go before I can finally see, touch and hold my beloved! And tomorrow is our 21st month anniversary. I am going to dedicate several hours of the day to just thinking of her and sending strength her way because that is also the day that she is going to be taking her Physical testing. I know in my heart that she will succeed. She is a most incredible person and I do not have a doubt that she will do her utmost best to give everything she has to accomplish her tasks. This is one of the reasons that I have fallen so deeply into this crazy thing called love. This wild emotional roller coaster that takes us from being at the tips of heaven to fighting and screaming in sadness and pain in the pits of the hells that we create for ourselves. But I have finally found my seat-belt in the profound love that she has shown for me and have strapped myself in, COME WHAT MAY!  
    To Amber Lynn; the Love of My Life. --{-@

                                                                                                                    Gabriel T. Short 

Damned Choices.

I am a fallen Angel,
The mistakes I make are my own damned fault!
I try so hard to fly,
Yet every move I make is as naught.

If only my heart were harder,
Maybe I could feel the right decision.
I do for those I love,
Everything, without envision.

Now see what has become!
My heart, my being is ripped in two!
Why can't we go back,
Before those I love, I never knew?

This Decision is mine alone,
And either way someone will get hurt,
But which will time heal faster,
Or leave forever decade and burnt?

The one I have loved so long
Still carries with her my heart.
But my Passion, Drive, my Lust
Alas! They, the other's art!

So pray tell me, if you can
Better is it to love as God
But never then to Crave her,
Or to feed the Lust; the heart never to be whole?

I am a fallen Angel,
What's done cannot be changed!
But more hurt and scars in the name of Love
Can be lessened and Refrained. 

Now I need words,
Serious, with Love, these are the modes
To tell the women in my life
Why I have chosen these life roads.
      

A lost for words

Trying to find emotions
  Trying to form thoughts
To fill the enptyness
  That is growing in my mind.

Fighting to hold on
  Struggling to comsentrate
On keeping these thoughts
  From fleeing my grasp.

I open my mouth and tears
  Come to my eyes.
My mind tries to think clearly
  And my heart begins melt.

My hand tightens
  And my lip is swollen.
"I will not give up"
  I silently scream.

Finally a word comes to me,
  Then another and then more.
I start singing, quiet slowly increasing
  I have a voice once more.

Emotions come in churning waves,
  Interweaving themselves into thoughts.
No longer keeping afar, words
  Find their place on my lips easly.

Windows to new worlds have been opened,
  Doors to greater places have been burst. 
My mind now flying through time,
  Searching and creating a better me.  

Friends and dark nights in Northport

Pullin' up in the drive and hearin' voices
  Smilin' at the recognition of friends laughter
Openin' up the car door and breathe in the energy
  Steppin' out and greetin' them with hugs.

That's how summer nights aught to be in Northport!

Walkin' through the front door as the smells hit you in the face
  Split wood,body sweat, and chili on the stove.
Hearin' the good old music comin' from the livin' room
  And crys from the back bedroom of the little ones.

That's how summer nights aught to be in Northport!

Stumps for cairs around a fire pit and wire skewers for the hotdogs
  Mayonaise and mustard and hotdog buns on the table
Marshmellows being thrown throught the air,
  Dog fights and dogpiles and wrestling in the dirt.

That's how summer night are in Northport!

Watchin' the sparks flyin' from the flames
  Floatin' up to disappear among the stars.
Pretty faces and sexy girls across the fire and on my lap
  Bros and brothers causin' me to die laughin'.

That's how summer night are in Northport!

Talkin' about our past and tellin' stories not to be repeated,
  makin' laughs and serious moments with smors in our hands.
Walkin' through the town at midnight frightenin' our shadows,
Doin' push-ups in the street and cross dressin' on corners.

That's how suumer nights are in Northport!

Runnin' and screamin' durin' "ninja tag" Who'll be the next one "it" ?
  Jumpin' into the fridged water of the river and comin' out yellin'
Holdin' onto each other for warmth and more hugs,
  Keep everyone close and makin' more memories and stories to tell.

That's a summer's night in Northport!

You make my head spin around in circles,
    I can't stand up striaght.
You open up all my senses,
    "Damn girl, you look great!"
I wanna stay right here with you,
    Never let you go,
But before you get any ideas about me
   There somethin' you need to know...

It's when I put my shirt on backwards,
    Or take a wrong turn.
Leave my wallet on the counter,
    Or let the macaroni burn;
It's not just because I'm absent minded,
   Although that might be true,
It's also cause you're aways on my mind.
    I've been thinking about you.

One Alone! Surviving!

The darksurrounds me, light flashes.
   Smoke, dust, the smell of burnt flesh
From fallen comrads and enimies' cuts and gashes.
   My pounding heart constricting my heated breathe!
Memories flashing,  my head is clouded
    With the brutal struggles of the recent past.
My life is confused, Reallity is doubted.
    Thoughts lashing out at images of hours before.
The blur clears away from my eyes,
    Reveiling the death that cover the ground.
Black birds and vultures are all that move,
    Save the spirits and ghosts leaving the bodies. 

A Dreamy Feeling

Lying in bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling. 
   Lights on all around me, so dark is my room.
Someone is watching me I know, I can't explain this feeling.
   Looking off into nothingness, the wall surround my head.
Seeing dark and emptyness, so full are my dreams.
   Laying here on my back, thinking in my bed.
Thoughts cover me, but they aren't mine. 
   They come from somewhere else, so familiar and yet so strange.
"Who's there?" I cry, reaching out with caution.
    And though I try to perceive through the black, my mind has no range.
It's so Gentle!! I realize, this being watching me.
   For if it were not, here, I surely would not be.
It's here and yet it's not, I feel her hand on my heart.
   Alas! That must be it! My Love is dreaming of me.